Feeding the tribe is one of the most important things you could do and yet so simple.
When you think about the people around you, your friends, family, etc. they are your "tribe". How do you feed your tribe? What do you do for the people around you?
You don't have to be a parent to have a "mom tribe". You just need to be a human being.
When you are going to a friends house, stop and get them a coffee, or pastry. Nine times out of ten if you ask what they want, they will tell you "oh it's okay, I don't need anything" but that's their way of being nice. Maybe they don't have any cash and don't have the heart to ask if they have to pay you back. Just get something anyways. If you are grabbing a vitamin water for yourself, grab another. It's the simple things that can really make someone's day. It reminds them that you care. And it teaches them to also be giving.
If you are at the store and walk by the card section and they have the current holiday cards out, pick one out! They have a .99 cent section. It won't break your bank. Send it to someone you are thinking about.
If you don't "feed your tribe" then you could slowly lose your tribe.
You need to remind the people around you that you think of them, care about them, and truly value their presence in your life.
But here is the catch, you can't expect the same in return. Everyone is different. You might have that friend that never gets you coffee, never buys you birthday gifts, never pays you back. But maybe that friend is ALWAYS there when you need a shoulder to cry on. Maybe they pay you back in a different way.
Relationships go both ways but that does not mean they have to be the exact same way. Think about a romantic relationship. You probably (hopefully) spoil each other, but I would guess it would be in different ways. My hubby buys me flowers, very often. But I don't buy him flowers. I spoil him in other ways, whether it's new clothes, candy, etc.
Feeding your tribe will only result in happiness. You, in return, will be fed.
I have built a huge tribe. My tribe consists of mommas, friends, family, neighbors, and more.
I have neighbors who will give me an egg at the drop of a hat. I have preschool moms that will pick up Jaymeson for school, and bring me a donut. I have friends that brought many meals after Leonora was born and still continue to bring things. I have friends I trade childcare with so that we aren't just paying each other, instead we are helping each other. And the list could go on forever. This is the tribe I have built. What tribe do you have? What do you want to be surrounded with when you need someone?
Karma is a real thing and there is nothing but positive that can come from being a giving, caring person.
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Friday, October 17, 2014
the woman you marry will not be the mother of your children
I remember that woman, the woman I was when I married my husband. I would do anything at the drop of a hat for my hubby. If he forgot his wallet at home, I would bring it to him. If he needed new jeans, I would run out and find some. Make his favorite meals. Etc.
Things have definitely changed. It's not like I don't want to be that woman anymore, I do, but being a mother is hard work and there are never enough hours in the day. Now when my hubby leaves his wallet at home (which he does, fairly often) I tell him, "borrow some money from a coworker" because loading up my 3 year old and 8 month old for an hour round trip just seems crazy these days. I already have too much to do, too little time.
But how do you survive the change without divorce? People ask me on a daily basis "how do you guys do it?" Well I will tell you what, my hubby gets the credit, and here is why...
Men, never stop appreciating your lady. Realize that her obligations have shifted and she is doing the best she can. If you can realize the hard work your wife spends with your children or on the house, you are doing something right and your wife will love you even more! If your wife is a stay at home mom, who is she getting recognition from? Who is telling her that she did a great job at "work" today? Has she gotten a bonus lately? Think about the things that make you feel good at work and thing about who is making sure your wife feels the same.
Yes you might think that "that's what she is supposed to do" but everyone needs recognition or I will tell you what will happen, without a doubt, she will resent you.
If your wife had a rough day with the kids, and you come home to a messy house, don't even think about commenting. Give her a hug, tell her she is beautiful, and let her take an uninterrupted shower. That's what my hubby would do and I will tell you what, she will get out of that shower a different woman. She will be happier, more thankful for you, a more patient mom, and maybe make an even better dinner : )
Everyone wants to know the secret to what makes a marriage work. Here it is, embrace the change, accept it, move forward, find what makes each other happy, and never stop showing you love one another. Do you kiss good bye? Good night? Welcome home? You may be busy but you are never too busy to show affection and remember where the magic started.
My hubby leaves at 3:30am for work, and every single day he kisses me and tells be good bye. I am always sleeping but I always remember. It's important to nurture that relationship and never stop appreciating each other.
And ladies, you may be up all night with the kids, and slaving away for them all day, but don't stop appreciating the hard work your hubby does. He is here, and working to take care of the family, so give him credit. Have you recently said "I appreciate you?. Literally, those words? Say them! Even if you aren't getting recognition for all that you do, someone has to start so if you can show appreciation to your hubby, then he will see how that feels and do the same to you.
Yes I realize that there are those working moms out there (I hear you, my photography business is putting me at about 30 hours a week as well and I nanny 25 hours a week), but take this advice for what it's worth. It all comes down to nurturing the relationship, appreciating what you have and all that you do for each other.
And don't forget, NEVER STOP HAVING FUN!
Things have definitely changed. It's not like I don't want to be that woman anymore, I do, but being a mother is hard work and there are never enough hours in the day. Now when my hubby leaves his wallet at home (which he does, fairly often) I tell him, "borrow some money from a coworker" because loading up my 3 year old and 8 month old for an hour round trip just seems crazy these days. I already have too much to do, too little time.
But how do you survive the change without divorce? People ask me on a daily basis "how do you guys do it?" Well I will tell you what, my hubby gets the credit, and here is why...
Men, never stop appreciating your lady. Realize that her obligations have shifted and she is doing the best she can. If you can realize the hard work your wife spends with your children or on the house, you are doing something right and your wife will love you even more! If your wife is a stay at home mom, who is she getting recognition from? Who is telling her that she did a great job at "work" today? Has she gotten a bonus lately? Think about the things that make you feel good at work and thing about who is making sure your wife feels the same.
Yes you might think that "that's what she is supposed to do" but everyone needs recognition or I will tell you what will happen, without a doubt, she will resent you.
If your wife had a rough day with the kids, and you come home to a messy house, don't even think about commenting. Give her a hug, tell her she is beautiful, and let her take an uninterrupted shower. That's what my hubby would do and I will tell you what, she will get out of that shower a different woman. She will be happier, more thankful for you, a more patient mom, and maybe make an even better dinner : )
Everyone wants to know the secret to what makes a marriage work. Here it is, embrace the change, accept it, move forward, find what makes each other happy, and never stop showing you love one another. Do you kiss good bye? Good night? Welcome home? You may be busy but you are never too busy to show affection and remember where the magic started.
My hubby leaves at 3:30am for work, and every single day he kisses me and tells be good bye. I am always sleeping but I always remember. It's important to nurture that relationship and never stop appreciating each other.
And ladies, you may be up all night with the kids, and slaving away for them all day, but don't stop appreciating the hard work your hubby does. He is here, and working to take care of the family, so give him credit. Have you recently said "I appreciate you?. Literally, those words? Say them! Even if you aren't getting recognition for all that you do, someone has to start so if you can show appreciation to your hubby, then he will see how that feels and do the same to you.
Yes I realize that there are those working moms out there (I hear you, my photography business is putting me at about 30 hours a week as well and I nanny 25 hours a week), but take this advice for what it's worth. It all comes down to nurturing the relationship, appreciating what you have and all that you do for each other.
And don't forget, NEVER STOP HAVING FUN!
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Non-mom envy
When I see my friends and acquaintances succeeding in their careers (without kids), I get rather jealous. Here I am trying out this photographer gig and it's beyond overwhelming. Don't get me wrong, I love it, everything about it. But who has the time to edit pictures when they have a crazy 3 year old and a 7 1/2 month old?
Sometimes I catch myself fantasizing of a life where I actually realized my passion before kids. I mean when I really think about it, anyone who knows me knows that in high school, and college, I didn't go ANYWHERE without a disposable camera. Ya, you heard that right, disposable! ha.
I mean if I really think about it, it was obvious that photography would find a way into my life since it has always been at my finger tips, literally.
Anyways, my life consists of taking care of my children (and husband) or my third child I call him. And all the craziness our life consists of, and then I decided to find this amazing passion, one that actually needs time as well.
I love it so much but it sure has gotten crazy. I went from doing maybe four sessions a month to getting four emails a day about booking a session. But I really love it. I don't charge much, give way too many pictures, and never get enough sleep, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
I know that with every picture I am creating memories that will never be forgotten.
I call myself a "stay at home mom" but really I am a working mom. A mom that doesn't have enough hours in the day. One with more than enough thoughts, but barely enough time to write a blog : )
Sometimes I catch myself fantasizing of a life where I actually realized my passion before kids. I mean when I really think about it, anyone who knows me knows that in high school, and college, I didn't go ANYWHERE without a disposable camera. Ya, you heard that right, disposable! ha.
I mean if I really think about it, it was obvious that photography would find a way into my life since it has always been at my finger tips, literally.
Anyways, my life consists of taking care of my children (and husband) or my third child I call him. And all the craziness our life consists of, and then I decided to find this amazing passion, one that actually needs time as well.
I love it so much but it sure has gotten crazy. I went from doing maybe four sessions a month to getting four emails a day about booking a session. But I really love it. I don't charge much, give way too many pictures, and never get enough sleep, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
I know that with every picture I am creating memories that will never be forgotten.
I call myself a "stay at home mom" but really I am a working mom. A mom that doesn't have enough hours in the day. One with more than enough thoughts, but barely enough time to write a blog : )
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