Can you hear me now?

You are exhausted, you have a million things on your mind, you are in the middle of folding laundry and your spouse comes in and starts telling you about work. You snap in frustration because that is just one more thing taking up space in your brain that you can not handle, right?
First of all, know that this is normal. We all do this. And it is not gender specific, we all do it.
Sometimes we are just not interested in what our spouse is talking about, and that is okay. But what you do next is what matters and can literally make or break your relationship.
A long time ago I was listening to the radio and it was talking about relationship advice. It was talking about the art of conversation. How we get so busy and overwhelmed that we can easily shut down our spouses when the conversation is distracting, boring, or just in general not on your mind at that moment. It isn't that you don't care about your spouse and what they have to say, but you just have other things on your mind.
This is where YOU can make or break your relationship. You have two choices.
I am in the middle of loading the dishwasher, with dinner on the stove. I am thinking about all that I have to do tonight before bed, and tomorrow. My husband comes in and starts telling me about work and what someone did to get in trouble, etc. I turn to him and say "babe, I am cooking and doing dishes, can you go do some laundry or something?" OR you stop what you are doing and listen. You realize he wants to tell you this story, no matter how significant, and you listen.
What studies have shown is that if you stop listening, if you show your spouse that you do not care what they have to say, then they stop telling you stories. They stop sharing, talking, etc.
Whether you are going into detail of all the cute things your kiddo did at preschool, or your spouse is talking about the crazy lady yelling at the checker at the grocery store, you can show each other you care by just listening. Put down the phone, stop doing the dishes, make eye contact, and listen.
This goes for your romantic relationship, but also your relationship with friends, and family. If your family member calls to vent, listen. If your friend has to vent about their dating situation that you have heard a thousand times, listen anyways. If you push these people away by rushing them off the phone or shutting them down, do you think they will keep calling? Do you think they will look at you as someone who they can share their positive and negative with?
I encourage you all to think about how this affects your daily life, catch yourself doing it and change the behavior. I am so incredibly thankful for that radio station that day, it has been on my mind ever since and has changed the way I listen to everyone in my life.

Family <3

lifelong friends <3

My 2 year old scar

While some of you may have heard bits and pieces of my last birth on Facebook, I haven't actually sat down and put it to paper (or keyboard). So here is my story...

I was convinced there was no way baby number two was going to come past my estimated due date. This was my second time around, surely things would move quicker along. But here I was, eight days past my estimated due date. We had gone in for a morning appointment with our midwives. They did a NST (non stress test) which is normally protocol after the due date has come and gone. Our babies movements were mild and not where they had hoped it would be. We headed out for an ultrasound that showed all was well, then ate some lunch, then back to the midwives for another NST. 
This time the movements were still fairly mild. 
At this point the midwives went ahead and striped my membranes, which was extremely difficult due to baby being so high up. They sent us home with instructions to "castor oil" things along. Lucky for us, we didn't even make it home before contractions started regularly. 
We headed back to the birthing center around 4pm. Contractions were regular and we were walking around downtown Everett, up and down hill, trying to move things along. By 7pm I was dilated to 5cm so we decided it was a good time to break my water. 

Jaymeson snuggling with me before they broke my water.

Baby was stuck...

Literally, that is what I was told. Our baby was in an awkward position and was not dropping down into the birth canal. This was not what I was expecting. Jaymeson's labor and delivery was a breeze, no complications. So at this point I was exhausted, confused, aching, and emotional. We started with many different positions and pushes on the bed, laying on my side, back, hands and knees, constantly moving. Finally I was able to get into the tub and labor where I wanted to be. 

Jaymeson ran in to give me a kiss. 

It wasn't working. The water was slowing everything down. It was making my contractions spread out way too far. I wanted to just stay in there, I was so exhausted. But I had to get back out and labor more on the ball, bed, and walking. Baby wasn't where he/she needed to be. 

Finally, after my midwives broke their backs physically getting baby in the right position (worst pain ever), I was able to get back in the tub to deliver this little bundle we were so ready to meet. 

Best husband ever.

We got back in the tub, and again, everything stopped. My contractions went away. I was not meant to have this baby in the tub. I was told we needed to get out. I stepped out and sat on the birthing stool,  and my midwife practically had to catch the baby in the air, he/she flew out so quickly. 

It's a girl!!

This picture is from the exactly moment she was born. Holy, moly, it's a girl! My husband was totally speechless. With our son, he yelled "It's a boy!" but with this little peanut, he couldn't say a word. I was the one who ended up yelling that we had a baby girl. We couldn't believe it! I was convinced it was a boy but during my labor, my midwife had said that the baby felt smaller than Jaymeson, so there was a little thought in my mind, maybe it was a girl? Sure enough, it was. Leonora Mary, 8lbs 13oz. 

This squishy little girl arrived to us face first, yep, she was brow presentation AND posterior. 

Posterior position means that babies back is to your spine, giving more back labor, and in general more difficult to deliver. Only about 4-10% of babies are born posterior. While 50% of babies may be posterior in the beginning of labor, they normally turn, which is why the percentage of babies born posterior is much lower. 

What is brow presentation? This is where your the largest part of the babies head will be trying to fit through your pelvis during birth. This means that instead of the back of the head coming through the birth canal first, your baby will be looking up leading with it's forehead. The chance of baby being born "brow presentation" (also called "military") is .4% chance. I haven't been able to find a percentage for a baby being born BOTH posterior and brow presentation, but clearly based off the above statistics for each, you get the picture of how rare this is. 

Needless to say, I am beyond grateful for my midwives. There is no possible way I would have ended up with a vaginal delivery if I had been in a hospital. It just would not have happened. Thank you, a million times to my wonderful team of midwives at Cascade Midwives and Birthcenter. 

This birth scared me. I didn't know if I was going to be rushed off to the hospital, or what was going to happen. I was white as a ghost and in shock after Leonora was born. I didn't want to hold her. I wanted everyone else to hold her and I wanted to just watch. I was exhausted. 

I couldn't even look at the pictures from her birth for almost a month. It made me instantly cry. I had PPD (postpartum depression). While I would love to go on to that subject, I will save that for another day, another blog. 

Anyways, two years later I am over it. I enjoy looking back and telling my story, something I couldn't do for a long time. I am proud. 

Happy Wednesday!

Turning your back on technology

Oh snap, another mom blog about why you shouldn't let your kids watch so much tv, blah blah blah. Right? Well you might be a little right but you should definitely keep reading.

No big surprise that kids these days (and adults) are watching far too much tv, or too much time on their phones, playing games, or social media scrolling, etc. And sometimes the idea of cutting it out can be so overwhelming. I can remember many times where I needed those moments of down time and cartoons on to be able to load the dishwasher without 499 interruptions. But take a step back and look at the big picture. Really look at how much of your day is spent looking at a screen or device. 

It is time to set some boundaries. One boundary I have is my phone. Phones cost us WAY too much money to be broken by little fingers. I do not have games on my phone for my kids. I also don't want to risk the chance of them deleting my pictures. So they never get to use my phone and it is just the way it is. They never even ask. 

When Leah was young, about 8 months old, I would put pandora on my phone and lock it and give it to her to rock out with as I did dishes or folded laundry. Well big mistake on that one. It was quite the process over time to re-train the fact that my phone was off limits. It was a struggle but we got through it and now she doesn't ask to have my phone, phew, survived that obstacle. 

Another thing I think is important is detoxing. I talk about detoxing a lot, from many different things. But here I am using it to remove the habit of tv watching. In my house, my kids are on day SIX of no tv. They also don't have tablets or any electronic devices, so they have been six days with out any sort of electronic. They didn't get into trouble or anything, I just decided to detox from it. One thing I hate most is when my older kiddo (4 years old) wakes up in the morning and asks for cartoons. Before we are even out of bed! It drives me crazy. So six days ago I decided, "NOPE", no cartoons today. And the next day was the same answer. Now for the last three days he hasn't even asked ONCE for any cartoons at all. I am just loving this. My 2 year old could care less about cartoons so she would never ask. We have a busy weekend and next week so I am just going to keep it up as long as I possibly can. 

This isn't the first time I have done this. I often "take away" tv for days on end. I like to make sure my kiddos aren't addicted to it. I will also go through phases where the only thing they can watch is educational. My kiddo LOVE Bill Nye the Science Guy, thank you Netflix! 

I can remember meeting moms who told me they didn't let there kids watch tv and I thought they were crazy. In my head I had my mouth gapping open and eyes wide and the thought of never letting my kids watch cartoons, because I needed it. I really did. I had such bad morning sickness with my second pregnancy that there were mornings I couldn't barely move. If my son (2 years old at the time) wasn't chilling out, watching cartoons, I don't know what I would have done. 

But Lisa, you drive to Montana and the Gorge a few times a year, you MUST have dvd players or tablets for your kids... Right? Um, no. I actually don't. I know, I am totally that crazy mom who doesn't give them to her kids. And I can't say it won't be in our future. But Jaymeson(4) has been to Montana six times, the Gorge four times, and other random vacations and has never had electronics in the car. Leonora was an awful car rider at first and it was a nightmare, but she was too young to even be interested anyways. Thats just the way our family is and I love it. 

So if you are contemplating whether or not your kiddo needs a tablet, trust your gut. I have toyed with the idea of getting my kids kindles, especially now that they are $50, but I keep changing my mind. I even went to Best Buy last month, before we went to the Ocean, and looked at the kindles and then I literally said to myself "RUN AWAY! You don't need this, they don't need this". And I walked out of the store. lol

We have an iPad. It is five years old. It has a shattered screen but we still use it for music. Once upon a time we used to let Jaymeson play games on it. But once the screen shattered, about two years ago, we stopped letting the kids use it. I am always tempted to replace it, but haven't. 

We aren't perfect and definitely wouldn't call us "crunchy" but maybe a little more old school. We expect our kids to play hard outside every day and to get dirty. 

If you are struggling with the technology overload and don't even know where to start, make a plan. Remember that the first few days of that new plan might be rough. But I would say about day four you will see it get easier. You could also pick certain days of the week where they can watch a show, or days they can't. You have the reigns in this and can steer any direction you want. 

Well, since my kiddos and nanny kid are napping away, time to get more stuff done. Thanks for reading.

Happy Friday and Mother's Day.

Giving up or faking it?

I can not believe it has almost been a year since I wrote a blog post (a personal one anyways). While I have been blogging for my business and keeping an active journal, I gave up on here for a bit. Every time I start back up I promise myself to stick with it, and I have failed. I am always thinking "oh I should blog about that" and then my day gets away from me.
Well here I am, blogging, we will see how long I can keep it up.

Now you are ready to hear about giving up or faking it, right? I have been thinking about this topic for awhile now. I know you will all know exactly what I mean when I talk about this. What I have been seeing a lot of Facebook lately are couples who post "Woman crush Wednesday" and "Man crush Mondays" every week. They are constantly writing on each others walls and gushing their love all over the place, then BAM, they break up, or get divorced and all of us are blind sided by this because they "seemed so happy".
So my question is, were they really that happy? Did they have a pretty darn good relationship and just throw in the towel once things got rough, or they got bored? Or was it all a show? I am sure relationships fit into both of those categories and there is no easy answer. But it still leaves me wondering how many couples are throwing in the towel before giving it their best.
No, I am not going to tell you to stay in a situation that is awful. I am just curious how hard you tried to have the best relationship you could have. Have you unplugged from technology? Have you taken a trip to the Ocean or Mountains? Have you turned off the TV and had real life conversation? It is amazing how many couples I talk to that don't do any of these things.
On occasion my husband and I will send our phones on a date, we actually call it "doing it". We put our phones together in our bedroom and leave them there for hours while we detach from technology. My husband will say "where is my phone?" and I will say "our phones are doing it" and he knows exactly what I mean and remembers where they are. It is a silly, but easy way to get them out of your hand, pocket, site and dive into your family.
We also do not have a TV in our living room. I know it isn't an option for some people but if you can have a room that you can spend time together in and there isn't the distraction of the television on, it is wonderful. We almost always have the radio on and we dance every single day. No joke. Everyone in my house dances. We dance during dinner, in the morning, all day, every day. You should see my youtube, completely filled with dancing videos of my kids.
Anyways, this wasn't meant to be a "relationship advice" blog, but I do have advice. My husband and I started dating over fifteen years ago and are creeping up on our seven year wedding anniversary. We have also survived building a house, building a business, and have two children. There have been so many challenges we have faced and through communication, setting plans, leaning on each other for support. It is the only way we have survived the rocks thrown.
So please, if you are struggling in your relationship, let's not post gushing posts on Facebook. Instead put a plan in place. Find your love for each other again. Talk about it, work on it, explore mother nature, listen to good music, eat good food, and remember why you fell in love in the first place.

Happy Thursday :-)